It can take a great deal of strength and humility to admit when we have made a mistake, and de-transitioning is no exception. But after we have this realization, where are we to go from there? Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, how do we process this? How can we move on when our bodies are a living reminder of the mistake we made?
There are no easy answers, and every individual case is different. But, with a little time, patience, and faith, accepting our bodies it possible.
Here are some steps to help you get there:
Focus on what matters: The failures of transition are a clear example of how innate and engrained sex/gender are. No matter the amount of hormones or surgeries, we were still left with the biological and spiritual reality that we are female. Now what does that mean? Since we are now accepting ourselves as women, should we overly-feminize ourselves by wearing makeup, heels, jewelry, etc. to "prove" our female status? No! While we can partake in these things if we genuinely enjoy them, this is not what makes us women. Instead, it is our actions and our character (1 Timothy 2:9-11). Lets stop performing and start acting in ways that are real, aligned with the kind of woman God created us to be.
Take care of yourself: When we take care of ourselves (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually), we tend to feel good about ourselves. Take time out of your day to spend time with God, exercise, eat healthy, go for a relaxing walk, etc. Create goals, pray to God and consider the ways you would like to grow as a person. Remeber with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26)!
Be grateful for the body you have: It may not be perfect, but remember that it is yours! Be grateful for what you have instead of ruminating on what has been lost. If you can walk, breath, make breakfast, go to work, etc. then there is something to be grateful for. Even if its just a body that's alive!
Be Humble and Accountable: Remember that no matter what circumstances led us towards transitioning, that at the end of the day it was still our choice. We are accountable to God for every choice we make (2 Corinthians 5:10), yet we can find comfort in the forgiveness he extends to us (John 3:16). Remember as well that there are many out there who struggle in ways far worse than ourselves, and those who struggle similarly. For instance, women with breast cancer receive double mastectomies and similarly have to cope with the pain of losing their breasts. When we put things into perspective, we can see that our struggles aren't actually that different from anyone else's. And therefore, we are fully capable of accepting what has been done and moving forward.
Be Patient With Yourself: If you need to cry about it, cry about what has been lost. If it takes time to heal that is okay, and if pain resurfaces that is ok as well. Our walk with God is for a lifetime, there is no rush to the process. At the same time, I encourage you not to wallow in your pain. Feel it, acknowledge it, and still move forward even if it hurts.
Confide in God and Keep Moving Forward: When all else fails, remember you can always pray to God about what you are feeling and experiencing. It may not take away the burden immediately, but you will have peace knowing that God is with you and will help you move forward.
Keep the Truth in Mind: God's word reveals to us so many beautiful truths that can help to reconsile some of the regret and loss we may experience while detransitioning.
Here are just a few:
Our Physical Bodies Are Temporary. (2 Corinthians 5:1-5)
God loves us and forgives us for our mistakes. (John 3:16, 1 John 1:9)
Jesus died so we could be free from guilt and shame. (Isaiah 54:4)
We are never alone, God is always with us. (John 14:16)
Our past is gone, the choices we make in the present are what matter. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
If you are a detransitioning woman reading this, please remember that nothing can change the fact that you are 10000% female. You do not need to prove the fact that you "are a woman" to others or over explain your situation. No matter what has been done, the simple truth remains that you are a woman and nothing will every change that. No affirmation required!
Please reach out to us if you would like to be a part of our online support group for detransitioning women!
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