Here is a helpful resource for detransitioners to understand and acknowledge victimization and approval seeking behaviors within their own life. When we understand that we are victorious (in Christ) instead of victims, we are given the power to rise above any self limiting beliefs and become the women God always intended.
(The video will be available once it has been officially uploaded, on May 11th 2023 at 7 pm ET.)
First lets define these terms:
Believing that negative circumstances in ones life are only the result of past trauma and external factors, with no personal accountability.
Approval seeking behavior
Seeking validation form sources outside of oneself.
Here are some signs of these behaviors:
Taking things personally
The inability to see outside oneself
A lack of accountability
The inability to regulate ones own emotions
Emotionally manipulative behaviors and traits
Distrust in one's own mental capabilities
Esteeming the opinions of others as above ones own
Seeking validation for even basic life choices
Fear that a lack of approval will lead to terrible consequences
Insecure attachments and abandonment issues
Here are a couple scriptures on the subject, but we encourage you to dive deeper into this yourself:
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV
"For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10 KJV
So you may be asking yourself...how can I be free from this? Below are some helpful tips, but remember that they are not a substitute for a relationship with God and hearing from Him personally.
Forgive, let go, and move on
"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you." Philippians 3:14-15 KJV
"But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:15 NKJV
2. Learn love yourself and God
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:36-10 ESV
3. Seek approval from God's word
"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:" 2 Timothy 3:16 KJV
"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." 2 Timothy 2:15 KJV
4. Be grateful
Stop complaining and making excuses
" in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV
"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Ephesians 4:29 NKJV
5. Set goals, and achieve them!
"But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” 2 Chronicles 15:7
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:3 NIV
6. Have someone to keep you accountable.
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17
7. Be patience in the process.
"For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance." Romans 8:24-25 NKJV
"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Galatians 6:9 KJV
Whoever you are reading this, please know that you have the capability to take ownership of your life, your choices, and your future. In Christ all things are possible, and I pray that He would give you the wisdom and strength to move forward with Him at the center.